I really want to go to Prague. ~cries~ I just don't know whether I'd have the financial capability by then.

Rewind: immunology conference in Prague on November 2006... we got asked by our adviser to try our chances at getting accepted for oral presentation... Karen is excited, but dreads the prospect of finding funding

I bet it'd be cold by then, which rules out the "sleeping on a parkbench" option. I hope the food is cheap in Prague. I hope lodging is cheap too. And while I'm at it, I hope I'll win the lottery tomorrow, win a Pulitzer and a Nobel (doesn't matter which category, but the peace prize is pretty cool), and be U.N. ambassador by the time I'm 25. Also, world peace. Amen.

ah, Europa, and your old stones.

***

This means I'll have to find a job soon. Sell drugs. Or something.

***

Our dear friend luckychan got published for the first time in this month's "Philippine Ghost Stories". Congratulations! Woohoo! ~jumps around and screeches for her~

Meron na ata akong astigmatism. Madali na sumakit ang ulo ko, kapag nagbababad sa harap ng computer, o nagbabasa ng libro (na parehong madalas kong gawin).

Ang (medyo) magandang balita: meron na ata akong trabaho. Pinapapunta ako ng Smart bukas sa opisina nila, para daw pag-usapan ang "terms". "Positive" naman daw ang impression sa interview ko, sabi nung tumawag na taga-Smart. Huwaw!

***

Isang pagtatambal na napaka-predictable ang resulta:

(oras na walang magawa sa mall)
+ (pagnanais igiit ang karapatang gumasta ng perang naiinip lang sa bangko)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
dalawang libro na natapos kong basahin sa loob ng dalawang araw


Ang dalawang librong ito ay ang Stainless Longganisa, na pinakabagong akda ni Bob Ong (yung nagsulat ng ABNKKBSNPLAko! at Bakit Baliktad Magbasa ng Libro ang Pilipino?), at Invisible Monsters ni Chuck Palahniuk. Ok naman sila: di masyadong nayanig ang mundo ko, walang pumutok na bulkan o sumalantang bagyo sa isipan. Pero ok naman.

Yung "Stainless Longganisa", tungkol sa pagsusulat. Adik talaga ko sa mga librong tungkol sa pagsusulat. Nakakita ako sa Powerbooks ng makapal na libro na sinulat ni Jane Smiley tungkol dito ("what to read and how to write", sabi nung subtitle), at nangati talaga ang mga kamay ko na bilhin sya (di ko binili kasi mahal. 1,300 php. wala pa kong sweldo no). May pagnanasa ko ring sinusulyapan ang librong "On Writing" ni Stephen King tuwing nagkikita kami sa bookstore.

Alam ko naman na wala rin masyadong matuturo sa kin ang mga librong ito. May paniniwala akong sa praktis lang nakukuha ang lahat. Praktis at pagbabasa ng maraming maraming libro. At siyempre, sa pagkakaroon ng maraming karanasan sa buhay.

Pero di ko mapigilan ang sarili kong kumonsulta sa mga batikan, sa mga bigatin. Ano bang sikreto nyo? Gusto kong binabasa ang mga pananaw nila tungkol sa proseso, baka sakaling may di ako napansin dati na mahalagang sangkap para sa tagumpay: mag-alay ng manok sa bisperas ng November 1; kumain ng maraming bawang; wag maligo ng isang linggo. Yung mga ganon ba. Ayos lang kung mangamoy; sabi nga ni Bob Ong, "obligasyon bilang alagad ng sining ang mangamoy"

Pero wala namang mga payo na ganon. Di rin naman kasi sya nakukuha sa mga ritwal o pamahiin; kahit akap ni Neil Gaiman, walang epekto! (pinangarap ko pa naman na sana may konting maipapahid sa aking talento si Tito Neil nung naka- free hug ako sa kanya. pero wala! wala! wala!)

***

Dear Paul oh my old friend
I always liked you but you always liked to go
I loved you from the classroom window
But you were busy making girls like me miserable
Chasing the high school girls

Dear Paul I was changed
My very first addiction was named after you
And I stared and I shed some tears
Then started writing songs to comfort me while I wait
But like some things you never came

Don't you know eleven years is a long time
To freeze a heart, eleven years is long enough
To make a girl insane

Dear Paul would you stay far
And be the bicycle that I never had
And I've tried different kinds of ice cream
And some made my throat sore
But you were only bliss
So I'll visit you in dream

Don't you know eleven years is a long time
To freeze a heart, eleven years is long enough
To make a girl insane

You make a girl insane Paul
You make a girl insane

(sa wakas, may mp3 na ko nito! nyarharhar. gusto ko talaga ang imagery sa kantang to. be the bicycle i never had.)

May interview ako sa Smart bukas (the telecomms company). Medyo kinakabahan ako. Ang maibibigay ata nila sa kin ay isang programming job. Bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko tuwing iniisip kong MBB graduate ako at di Comp Sci (Ano bang gusto nila sa kin? Baka malaman nila na di naman ako qualified...). Baka isang tingin pa lang nila sa kin ay maulinigan na nila ang pagkabagabag na umiikot sa ulo ko. Baka yung mga interviewer, parang mga lobo (wolf, hindi balloon ha) na nakaaamoy ng takot.

Pero:

1. Dapat nga palang tandaan na di naman 'to malaking bagay. Mantra: "part-time job...part-time job...part-time job"

2. Di naman ito ang gagawin ko habangbuhay

3. Kung di nila ko tanggapin, kawalan nila yun

Nakakakaba pa rin. Para mabawasan ng konti ang kaba ko, tiningnan ko ang website nila. Yun bang may "company mission and vision" at kung anik-anik. "Forewarned is forearmed" ika nga.

***

Alam kong dapat na akong makipagkilala sa mga PI (project investigator) ng mga lab na gusto kong salihan sa grad school, magpadala ng email man lang. Asikasuhin ang pagkuha ng GRE at application forms. Nakalagak nga lang ang utak ko sa isang madilim na lugar, nakalublob sa bote ng formalin na ipinasak nang biglaan sa isang maalikabok na tukador, sa tabi ng mga bote ng inatsarang palaka. Ngayon ko pa lang ginigising uli, at halong kaba at pagkasabik ang nararamdaman ko.

Dahil trip ko, gagawa ako ng listahan ng mga kelangang gawin

-kumuha ng GREs
-mabatid ang mga paaralang gusto kong pasukan
a. kumuha ng application forms
b. tingnan kung saang lab ko nais matanggap, at sumulat sa PI nito
c. ipasa ang requirements, magdasal, maghintay
-kumuha ng part-time job
-isulat ang manuscript para kay maam celia
-mag-driving lessons

***

Medyo nawalan ako ng gana dun sa isang part-time job na nakita ko. Naghahanap kasi ako ng technical writing job, tapos may nakita ako na nag-ooffer ng 20K a month for part-timers. Turns out, they write essays and technical papers for a fee. Pag nagbayad na yung nag-commission nung written work, malilipat na sa kanya yung authorship (i'm not even sure if this is legal!).

Parang di ata maganda ang pakiramdam kong magsulat ng isang book report para sa isang batang tinatamad lang gumawa ng homework nya. *grumbles like Muttley from Wacky Races* Wag na uy!

Kakabasa ko lang ng "Dekada '70" ni Lualhati Bautista, at taliwas sa inaasahan ko, mabilis ko syang natapos! (ako na sadyang may pagkatanga pag malalim na salita na ang ginamit). Naiyak pa nga ko sa ibang tagpo. Basta, galing. Madaling basahin, tsaka maganda ang kwento.

***

Panata ko na ngayon na magbasa ng maraming babasahing Filipino. Medyo sawa na rin akong maging makabayan kuno, pero sa "imported" na wika naman. Naaalala ko lang yung isang kwento ni Eli Ang Barroso ("Our Lady of Arts and Letters," na isinulat niya sa Inggles, take note), na sinasabing di talaga tayo maaaring maging tunay na bihasa sa Inggles. Pagkasabi nya: "E.M. Forster we are not." (At sumasang-ayon ako rito, dahil magaling talaga si E.M. Forster. Pero patay na ata sya).

Ang tanging magagawa raw natin sa wikang di atin ay "lean, unlovely prose, like Hemingway's" o puro "lush imagery" at "flowery language" na lang. Maysala ako sa parehong bintang, depende na lang sa mood ko. Sabi nga ni Rizal, di ba, na "ang di marunong gumamit ng sariling wika ay higit na mabaho sa bilasang isda"? Baka nagpaparinig rin sya sa sarili nya nung sinabi nya yun, siyang may-akda ng Noli, Fili, at Ultimo Adios, kapwa Kastila lahat ang pagkasulat. (hehe. bakit ba ko banggit nang banggit ng mga taong patay na?)

Basta, basta, basta! magiging magaling rin ako magtagalog (ewww...parang linya ng foreign-germ yun a! eww...)

***

Kailangan ko na nga palang magempake ng mga gagamitin ko sa Bohol.

First off, I would like to thank super friends luckychan and lethal_choking (at siyempre, si Jerc: huli man at magaling, nakahabol pa rin) for taking the time to read my palanca entry, and for their very helpful insights. Di ako nagsisisi: malalim ang inyong pang-unawa at sineryoso nyo talaga ang pag-beta read (nang walang pag-iimbot sa inyong panahon). Maraming salamat po.

(nabasa ko rin and entry ni luckychan, at palagay ko ay mananalo sya. yiki!)

***

malapit na ang boracay trip, pero mataba pa rin ako! Pero huli na ang lahat, at walang mangyayari sa pagsisisi. At kahit anong mangyari, di ako naniniwala sa diet! (Danve's joke: "Diet? Ano yun? Japanese parliament?" Trust Danve to come up with these educated jokes!)

***

kelangan ko nang mag-vocalize at may song number pa ko mamaya. babu!

I was feeling a bit depressed these past weeks. Salamat, friend, sa pagpapaalala kung ano ang mahalaga. Alam mo na kung sino ka.

***

Kung ano man ang mangyayari sa hinaharap, kaya natin! Ye ye ye!

***

Malapit na ang deadline ng submissions for the 2006 Palanca awards (April 30). Magsubmit na! Categories are (as far as i can remember): short story, poetry, essay, one-act play, full length play, futuristic fiction, children's story, at screenplay. I-google lang ang "palanca 2006" para makakuha ng application forms at mechanics. Pwede sumali dito kahit Filipinos living abroad ~ehemIDIehem~

The trees are beautiful in UP at this time of the year. The kalachuchi trees have been stripped of leaves and bear only white or pink flowers on their thin dark branches. Narra trees bear a profusion of yellow petals, which will rain down with strong gusts of wind, fairy dust that gets on your clothes and hair.

I think of that pipe that runs across the field from Albert hall to University Avenue, rough and sun-warmed. I have never walked on it. There was never a proper time, a proper aligning of circumstances. Walking the pipe is the sort of silly thing you share with friends. But people have gone home now, everything seems to be coming to a close, and maybe I'll never walk down that pipe.

I try to think of things that I might have done differently, whether i should've stayed less in the lab, or payed more attention, or participated more, or been a better friend. But these are hard blunt objects that bruise the heart, and must be kept at bay.

I think i am lucky to be alive, and to graduate from university. And now the world waits for us, and change it we will.

But let me linger now, just a little while longer.

Bad trip man! Kanina, sumakay ako ng jeep para pumunta sa UP, dahil magpapasa ko ng thesis manuscript draft. Tapos, sinong nakasabay ko sa jeep? walang iba kundi.... (tentenenten...)

ANGhit man!

Tumabi pa talaga sa akin ang hit man sa kulob na jeep. Tapos, humawak ang hit man sa railing, para mas lalo kong maamoy ang pheromones nya! Tapos, tumabi pa sya sa downwind side! Feel na feel ko ang lakas ng dating ng (ang)hit man--as in, wow!

kung minamalas nga naman.

***

Owner of the Sky
Cynthia Alexander

time and time again
we tread upon
the dusty earth we bed
in search for
the Owner of the Sky

must I? I must! I say
age upon age, say I,
exalt in my search for
the Owner of the Sky

I see sky, you see
the sky from end to end
sees I, you see
I be now
as I be then

life after life I be borne
upon the dusty path
lay your head on the weary rock
in search for in search for
the Owner of the Sky

I see sky, you see
the sky from end to end
sees I, you see
I be now as I be then

***

I love saying, "I have an artistic temperament!" That just cracks me up every time.

I had a yummy brunch today. It was the result of some last minute ingenuity, as a lot of good things tend to be (i.e. i was starving and needed to prepare something quick before i keeled over from hunger).

The anatomy of a quick, delicious brunch
~ The base: a bowl of steaming rice (inoculate this with Aspegillus oryzae, then Saccharomyces, and you'd have sake. But that's an altogether different matter)
~ 2nd layer: Del Monte Filipino style spaghetti sauce, poured over rice (quantity to taste)
~ 3rd layer: a slice of Provolone cheese (yumyum)
~ 4th layer: pan-seared bell peppers and portobello mushrooms, both marinated in a mix of soy sauce, drained fruit cocktail juice, and thyme.
~ 5th layer: a slice of ham
~ topping: drizzle balsamic vinegar over all (to taste)

Voila! amazing what you can do with holiday leftovers.

Sarap nito. The cheese melts with the heat of the rice, and makes it a bit rich.
(haha. tama ba namang maglagay ng recipe dito? I've been reading too many cookbooks)

***

Natutuwa ako sa Tito namin na sa amin nagsstay for the moment. Bigla ba namang nagluto ng fried frog legs. Siya mismo yung humuli ng palaka sa bakuran namin. Hehe. Napaka-outdoorsy. Parang Steve Irwin (although the crocodile hunter would probably catch the little critter for educational purposes, not for food).

Natakot lang ako tikman dahil baka poisonous yung palaka. Malamang hindi, pero malay mo ba. <-- paranoid

***

I watched Blue Moon with Jerc today. Ok naman siya. Naiyak ako. Malaking bagay na siguro yun, kasi di naman ako yung tipo na madaling maiyak sa pelikula (i think. o baka feeling lang ako)

Wala na akong sasabihin pa, dahil baka ma-spoil pa ang mga nais manood.

***

Bah! Tama na ang katamaran! Back to work.
Incidentally, swerte daw and mga year of the ox ngayong year of the fire dog! Aba, baka swertehin na tayo sa thesis! hehehe

Going home from the CS sportsfest awarding (which MBB won with flying colors, galing galing!) I was struck by a familiar emotion. Joy, tempered with something else. It took a while for me to figure out what it was.

It was the way i felt everytime something happened that would probably never happen again.
(wait lang. di ako nang-jijinx! MBB will win the sportsfest in the years to come, I can feel it. Hindi yun yung di na mangyayari ulit. I just felt that we would never be that young again.)

I suddenly felt very conscious of the passage of time. Usually, time feels like this fluid running through your life, but big events have a way of crystallizing it, dividing it into portions, into BEFORE and AFTER. Then time feels like discrete bits that slip down the precipice, never to be reclaimed.

I feel like I'm standing on the edge of that cliff, watching bits of time chip off and disappear down the slope.

Pre-life crisis nga ba ito? Gah.

***

Welcome back from seclusion guys! I've missed you.

***

Ang galing galing talaga ng MBB (ulit). When we go out into the world, we'll set it on fire. I feel that too, with all my heart.

I was running as fast as i could bear around Phivolcs -- as part of the scavenger hunt we joined today -- and i almost, honest to goodness, ran over a cat (literally RAN). I didn't know such a thing was possible, since cats are such agile creatures, but apparently, the sight of a clumsy human blundering towards it at full speed made it freeze in its tracks.

(which reminds me of this bit of trivia i heard somewhere about deer, headlights, and roadkill)

A man who witnessed the scene called out something in an angry voice. I don't know if he was angry at me, or at the cat, for not getting out of the (clumsy human's) way. I think he was shouting at me. Ah. C'est la vie.

(Sorry po manong. Di ko naman natamaan e.)

***

My sister takes French lessons from Alliance Francais, and she recently got a kick out of the idea of teaching me some French so she could have someone to speak to at home. Here's a sampler of what i've learned from our first lesson.

Je m'appelle Karen (My name is Karen)
Je suis etudiante (I am a student)
J'habite a Antipolo (I live in Antipolo)
Je suis fatigue (I am tired)
Merci (Thank you)

***

Wala na ko maisip. I am suddenly overcome with the intense desire to drink water. Kampai!

I'll be going to school today. Hay. The things you do for lab.
(I was going to describe what i had to do for thesis but realized that i realy didn't want to go into it.)

***

I watched "cinderella man" on dvd (read: bootleg) yesterday. umiyak ako, wow. from the outset, i could tell that it wasn't really a very revolutionary movie. i mean, it's basically a story about overcoming the greatest of odds, and the value of family. nothing really different about it. pero gosh, naiyak ako.

***

ipagdasal nyo po ang mice namin! sana may sakit talaga sila.

***

Mother is calling us for breakfast. Paalam na muna.

Contest shit

Tapos na ang ACM Intercollegiate Programming competition. Our team name got some laughs (UP Team of Artistic Engineers), but not as many laughs as UPWet. And... what? I'm having a bit of trouble summarizing, and my memory isn't exactly one of my strong suits.

Times like these, i wish i were a camera person. Then i could just show you the pictures and not be pressured into fancy descriptions. But the pictures are all in my head...so descriptions (not fancy) are all i can give.

Our team got 2 out of 8 problems, which is not enough to win, but enough to get a free lunch from my father. (hehehe). I learned to play a card game called Dalmuti. I saw a video of a man miming Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn". Kenneth Gallo made this piece of art from two chicken lollipops, a piece of lumpiang shanghai, half a calamansi, and strands of buko (man, i wish i had taken a picture of this one!)

***

Sputnik Sweetheart

I bought this book by Haruki Murakami called Sputnik Sweetheart (go figure), and i must say that i'm completely happy with it. Galing galing. Basahin nyo to.

***

November 1 mania

I promised myself again this year that I'd keep my eyes open, since going to the cemetery on All Saints' Day is always sensory overload (especially if you go to the crowded ones, like North or La Loma). Look around and you'll see.

I was avidly soaking up the details, and was able to salvage a few from the general confusion: the smell of fishballs frying, birds painted hot pink and toxic green in tiered cages, cigarette butts extinguished in the murky gray water that came in patches along the road, children selling candle melt, kites flying against a stark gray sky (it had been raining the day before, and it looked like it was going to rain again--and it did), hawkers selling boiled peanuts, gulaman, and that frappe of the poor, scramble.

I wish i had a bigger brain, or that my mind were more expansive, so I could take in all this. Taken as a whole, almost everything is beautiful. I'd like to swalow the world, and write, write, write.

***

Cebu

Again, no pictures here.

My sister and i went to Cebu. we still have dried mangoes at home (which i munch on with glee), and i will bring some at the start of the sem.

Cebu City is much like Manila. It's as crowded, and some places smell like piss and overripe fruit. Like Manila. There are also occasional traffic jams, but unlike here, they don't last long. The jeepney fare is also cheaper, and the passengers say "Lugar", instead of "para" and pay only when they are about to disembark. The difference in jeep etiquette made it apparent that my sister and i weren't locals.

Going to Shangrila Mactan made me a bit sad. We planned to go there during the day for snorkeling and scuba diving, but the price of the day pass was so prohibitive (P2500; note: the day pass is just so you can use their pool and have access to the beach. wala pa yung gagastusin for renting a boat for snorkeling, and equipment costs!). No wonder there were no Filipinos in sight! The hotel was really nice, but only the Koreans and the Japanese were able to afford it. That really depressed me.

So we went to Maribago Bluewater instead (day pass: P350), and swam with the jellyfish. Maalat pala ang dagat. Kumati rin yung right buttock ko. hahaha. buti na lang di naman pala ako na-sting ng dikya.

(that was the first time i remember swimming in the ocean. ang deprived no?)

We bought a guitar, went dancing that night. Again, more Koreans.

***

Bastos na Pusa
Ang lab work ay nakakaihi. O di naman nakakaihi, kundi di mo mamamalayan na naiihi ka na pala dahil ang tagal mo nang nakatayo/nakaupo/may ginagawang kung ano.

Halos pumutok na ang bladder (ano ba ang tagalog ng bladder? lagayan ng ihi?) ko noong araw na iyon, kaya minarapat ko nang pumunta sa banyo. At habang nakaupo sa trono, may biglang pumasok sa cubicle ko.

Akala ko nga parang pang horrror movie ang mamamalas ko (nagulat ako sa biglang pagsulpot ng isang kaibang nilalang sa cubicle. di ba maraming eksena sa horror movie ang nagaganap sa cubicle ng cr? eek.), pero isa lang pala itong bastos na pusa! walang pag-aatubili niyang ipinasok ang sarili sa cubicle. nag-meow meow. pinahid pahid pa ang katawan sa aking paanan.

wish ko lang, babae kang pusa. kasi naman, anong ginagawa mo sa girls' cr?

Pusang nagma-Math 2
Sa Funerarya Math (yung kwarto na may blue na kurtina) ang Math 2 namin. May nakapasok na pusa, puti ang katawan, pero may batik batik na itim. ipinuwesto nya ang sarili sa upuan sa tabi ko, at dali-daling pinuntirya ang kinakain kong crackers. Dahil cute sya, madali ko syang napatawad. At bibong bibo ang pusa, tumalon pa at pumatong sa table ko. buti na lang di ako nag-nonotes. nagpatalim pa ng kuko sa pantalon ko, brazen talaga.

napansin sya ng teacher. sabi pa ni sir nuqui, "you have a new classmate." biruin mo, dinaig pa ang mga taong pumila ng pagkatagal tagal para makuha lang ang subject na ito.

Pero wala talagang interes sa math ang pusa, dahil dagli siyang umalis nang maubos na ang crackers.

Masarap siguro maging pusa.

Pusang namaalam na
Nakikita ko pa siya sa Albert dati: isang kuting na kulay orange, cute na cute. Paborito siya ni Zah, pinangalanan pang "Rainbow".

Hindi kami close, pero natutuwa ako tuwing nakikita ko siya. Mahirap man ang mabuhay (kung minsan) marami namang magagandang bagay sa mundo, na siyang nakakagaan ng loob. Mga maliliit na bagay lang: ang pang-unawa ng kaibigan, ang pagpayong sa iyo ng minamahal mo, marahang pag-ambon pagkatapos ng init ng tanghali, ang pagsalubong ng isang kuting matapos ang isang mahaba at nakakapagod na araw.

kawawa naman si Rainbow. Sana may paraiso para sa mga pusa.

***

Good luck kina Rhea, Krissy at Jerc. Kaya nyo yan!

Lechon Baboy: Roasted to a crisp. The main act on
a Filipino buffet repertoire.


Which Filipino Food Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hehehe. lechon daw. i don't know whether this is bad or good.
i like lechon though.

***

i miss eating homecooked food. we don't have raw food in the freezer anymore. laman ng ref, puro takeout.

***

natuwa naman ako sa pagawa ng powerpoint background templates.

***

puro one-liner to a. i hate one-liners

Shoutout to my sister: I hope you're enjoying yourself in Europe! Kapag may source of income ako, sasamahan na kita. Until then, ingat ka lang sa mga suspicious characters! ~mwah~ Mag-YM ka na, para makapag-usap na tayo. At sana, mag-uwi ka ng gwapong Europeo (for yourself, of course, not for me).

***

Gosh. Sobrang wala pa kong results sa thesis. graah. gigaprep forever!

***

Dad did a very cute, fatherly thing today. He printed out my story, put the pages in a clearbook. Then he made a title page, which even had my mini-bio on it. As in, merong "she graduated in so-and-so, and is currently a BS Molecular biology and biotechnology student, etc." Hehe. It was such a cute gesture. I was so tickled, I couldn't stop my mental giggling.

***

Ngayon ko lang na-realize na na-miss ko pala ang pagpiyok ni Sir Alonzo during physics class. I swear, parang forever na siyang nagbibinata. Although i must admit na priceless pa rin yung "Pee-nah-Two-boe" (Pinatubo with american accent yan) moment ni Dr. Daria. Tawa ko nang tawa. (of course, it doesn't really take too much to make me laugh)

***

Magbebente na ko. the joy of enduring "ang tanda mo na!" text messages from people who haven't crossed the 20 line, is at hand. Those who have just shake their heads knowingly, as if to say, "welcome to the dark side"

***

Nakakabusog pala ang interview week.

una, salamat sa mga nagpadala ng text, email, nagpost sa lj, nangyakap, nangbati sa hallway, nakipagkamay, nakipagpunyagi atbp, tungkol dun sa recent event. malaking bagay sa kin ang inyong pag-alala, at tumataba ang puso ko dahil dito -- ok lang to, basta wag lang ako yung tumaba.

***

di ko mahanap yung sry article sa ncbi! for that, suko muna ako, for tonight.

***

napakagandang mga tao nina scarlett johansson at ewan macgregor. "the island" is really eye candy.

***

good night y'all. sana bumalik na sa normal ang nerves ko, i still don't feel quite right.
excess energy siguro ito. some good old fashioned jogging will straighten me out. magjjogging ako bukas! oyeh! (i'll probably keel over after the first quarter of the acad oval -_-)

nanalo ako ng palanca! nanalo ako ng palanca! nanalo ako ng palanca!

shit. ang saya.

choks just called me, and he was even noisier than i was! i felt like xandir of "drawn together" -- i kept on saying "oh my god".

Oh my God. Salamat po sa biyaya.

I feel calmer now, but you should've seen me as i was opening the letter. my hands were actually trembling.

whoa.

Smoke

I followed an Alfa Romeo with my
mind's eye
crusing along
an endless ribbon
of asphalt

past the church
where a young boy sings
voice, unmolested by time,
rising past the belfry
into the blue

under this
smoke rises from Sarajevo
where prayers are lonely
survivors
scarce as bird calls
singing from

a distant dream
your sleeping breath
settles on the ceiling
warm and yellow
as the sun rises

***

masakit na ulo ko. i can't find the NAST website. paano ko gagawa ng reaction paper?
ayan tuloy, medyo awkward yung flow ng poem. oh well.
disjointed thoughts: must sleep, no reaction paper, possible exam tomorrow, want to watch pinoy blonde, haven't read for 142, garsh <- gosh ito, na maarte ang spelling.

***

hehe. nagpost na ko ulit, kahit walang sense. good night, dear lj. ~mwah~

Things are going fine, in general, but something is missing.
I wonder what it might be. Is it that funny little thing called purpose?

Things are going fine. School is fine. Days are a blur of classes, Zuma and bridge. Nothing excellent is happening, but nothing bad either. I have settled into the warm, secure nook of long term love, and i am thankful everyday for it.

I have no right to complain, and believe me, I'm not complaining.
...


I imagine that this is how amputees must feel: vaguely itching for something unknown, and absent.

***

This is a slump, but it won't last forever. PUTEK, Karen, stop whining.

***

They say happiness is a choice. So here are things i will choose to remember:
- happy block memories (of which there are tons of pictures and touching yearbook writeups as glorious proof) ^_^
- the taste of chocolate ganache on a donut (from Cello's)
- music videos from most recent overnight session (miss ko na ang mga pinkbonnet peeps) ~hug~
- the thought of acquiring Coldplay's "X & Y" soon
- Neil Gaiman in Manila (haha, parang concert)
- love, ever present, even when i'm at my ugliest (and that can be quite ugly)

***

three ways to leave a legacy
-plant a tree
-have children
-write a book

wish ko lang, magawa ko lahat ng ito.